High School

Last post I talked about how my faith started to get shaky at the end of my 8th grade year and the beginning of my freshman year. To be honest there is not a lot I remember from my high school years. I truly believe at this point in my life I was depressed and going through the motions was the best I could do. At this point my friendships were changing and I was trying to figure out who I was as a person. My faith was weak at best and I was starting to not recognize the person I was. On top of that things were going on in my life that I was starting to finally process that they were happening. My grandpa had past away when I was 9 years old and I was finally starting to accept that he was no longer here. I was angry with God for taking one of my favorite people and could not understand why God called him home. I was angry that nothing in school was helping to explain why it seems like the best people in life are not the ones that stay. I wanted God to give an explanation has to why everything around me was starting to crumble. Even though I was good at the things I did, I still never felt good enough and that there was always more for me to do. The worst of the worst hit my Junior year of high school. I was starting to lose interest in the things I loved and it only fueled my anger towards life. Things I loved from a young age like dancing and baking were no longer things I wanted to do. Honestly I did not want to do anything and even sitting down to do homework took a lot of energy. At this point there seemed to be no end in site and that things were only getting worse. I was yelling at almost everyone I talked to and the simplest things set me off. Then came my miracle which started the ball rolling into getting me out of the dark hole I was in. My high school does a Rome Pilgrimage for two weeks at the end of June between out Junior and Senior year of high school. The reasons I went on this trip was because I love to travel and that this is something almost everyone goes on. What I did not expect was that this would be the place that would reignite my fire for God. went to all kinds of places, which now I appreciate so much more than I did that Summer of 2019. However, the place where things start to change was at St. Paul’s Basilica. There was an overwhelming calmness I felt when we arrived. Out of all the places this was the least touristy and so I could full appreciate how beautiful the church was. We were getting a tour of the church and during this tour I heard the voice of God. I felt a hand on my shoulder and a voice say I am here. Now I know this part not everyone will have something like this. However, for me this was the only way I was going to get out of my dark hole. Looking back this was God’s was of showing me that he never left my side and was waiting for me to come back to him. This was his evidence that he loved me. After that I made some changes to my life. Going into my senior year I knew things had to change. I made the decision to make an effort to pay attention in religion class, at Mass, and anything related to God. During lunch I sat in the Chapel for adoration instead of going to the cafeteria. I just ate during my off period and after school. These little changes opened my heart up to God and I start to let him back into my life. During Lent I was going to daily Mass. Things were looking good and then came another obstacle COVID-19 put a hold on the improvements I was making. No school, No in person Mass, little contact with people in general I started to take steps backwards. I knew God needed to be in my life but without having things in-person I did not know what to do to continue the work I started. This is where I finally got the professional help I needed to help me process the secular world and the pain I was feeling. All of these steps were to get me back on track and starting to fill the whole in my heart with God and not worldly things. I started to to become happier and felt that my life was going to be worth it. I really do not know where I would be if I had never gone on that Rome trip but one thing is for sure is that I would not be writing this today.