Where it all Begins

My faith journey starts from the very beginning of my life. I was born to two very loving parents who raised me catholic. I like to call myself a cradle Catholic meaning that my faith has always been Catholic. Now that does not mean that challenges did not come up along the way. So, let us begin with the story. From a very young age faith was the center of my life. I had the great privilege of attending a Catholic school. In grade school I loved learning about the faith and the things that go along with being Catholic. At home we prayed before meals and before bed. Everything seemed like I was heading in the right direction. It was not until the end of my 8th grade year beginning of my freshman year of high school when I started to question things. Friendships were changing, family dynamics were changing, and nothing seemed to make sense. I found myself getting annoyed with my religion classes and just going through the motions so it looked like I was not struggling with who I was and my faith. I started to focus on worldly things and my image. I was filling the whole in my heart with the things that were never going to make me truly happy. I was becoming angry with God about the things that were happening in my life. Instead of talking to someone about what I was feeling, I closed up and never let anyone in my life. In my mind this was the easiest thing to do because the people closest to me had hurt me. The trust I did have no longer existed and that included my trust and love for God. As my faith was diminishing so was my happiness, my self-esteem, and my confidence. My anxiety and stress went up. I was angry at everyone, including God and depression was quickly setting in. Because I never expressed what was happening inside my head it took many years to dig myself out of the hole that I was in. On the outside everything looked okay, I still participated in Mass, school religious events, I was a straight A student, an active member in dance, speech, and FBLA. So, on the outside I was happy but on the inside I was screaming for help. In the end, it was easier to pretend then to ask for the help that I needed.

This was only the beginning and there is so much more to the story that will come in future posts.